The Lady in Black: Thoughts and Hissy Fits
by: PattyKay Lilley
After a hefty number of requests for more, more, more of the rather rough-edged Lady in Black, I decided, as promised, to let her pitch this hissy fit, something she does so well! ~PK
Good day race fans. This is your raving reporter, the Lady in Black, coming to you from steam-heated North Georgia, where after almost a week of temperatures north of 100°, the grass has turned brown and faces have turned either red or green. It’s been that sort of week in NASCAR too.
When old PK came in here this morning, she was thinking of regaling you with some sort of rerun of the Mashed Potatoes and Gravy vs. Mac and Cheese 400 presented by Quaker State on Saturday night at Kentucky Motor Speedway, but I muscled her out of the way and took over the keyboard. So… while I’m here and she’s off having coffee, I’ll say a few words about that before moving on to more important stuff.
Ol’ Bruton Smith, a man you can be sure has never been seen in the same room with Boss Hogg, got it half right this year, and maybe can’t be held responsible for the half that went wrong… but I’ll do it anyway. Traffic? What traffic? See? No problem! Traffic flowed like water over a dam; like wine from a decanter into a glass… yeah, I like that one better! 105,000 in attendance, it says here. Adjust that southward by about 25% and you’re probably flirting with honesty, but it wasn’t bad, all things considered. Still more than they managed to fit through the gates last year.
The race was still a stinker, but that part isn’t Bruton’s fault. It’s those blinkin’ IROC cars that barely clear the ground and can’t pass each other that spoil the race… every race on a mile-and-a-half track. Brad won, and in this camp, that is always a good thing. We like that lad here in Libby Land. He’s Good Brad even when he’s being Bad Brad.
So what was the problem? For those in the stands, other than the stifling heat and a boring race, there really wasn’t any. For those watching on TV, well, the number of problems were legion, starting of course, with the aforementioned KFC commercial, which ran consistently throughout the evening, over and over and over, until every one of us could recite it by heart.
Much as with FOX, race coverage takes a back seat to conversation on TNT, this time between the slightly acid-tongued Kyle Petty (Look who’s calling whom acid-tongued) and Wally Dallenbach Jr., with an occasional not too well informed comment from Adam Alexander, whose name should be spelled Ralph Sheheen. Like many other journalists, a vast number of emails and comments have crossed this desk begging for relief from the TNT Tyranny and the onset of ESPN. Two more races this year! Just two more; I promise.
One of those is the upcoming Firecracker 400 (Firecracker was always good enough for me! Maybe when they make the Coke free…), which used to be held in the morning, for a couple of reasons. One was so that the teams could have some time to be with their families over the Holiday, and the other was because Florida mornings are relatively rain-free. That is not the case with afternoons or early evenings in the heat of summer. Remember, NASCAR wisdom is and has always been an oxymoron. (Oh, look it up)
I “think” I remember seeing that TNT will be doing their famous (infamous?) commercial-free version of this race, and they can well afford to do so, as they’ve crammed them all into the four races that have already aired. Still, commercial-free doesn’t mean exactly that. It means that instead of hearing a commercial, the race camera (I think TNT only has one) will play follow-the-leader for two minutes while printed messages will appear on the larger half of your TV screen, promoting the sponsor that was kind enough to forego spoken ads as long as you sit still and watch their name on the screen. I find these pseudo commercials still present an excellent time for a pit stop or kitchen break.
For the last TNT race of the season, we move to the flat mile in New Hampshire, and if I were to give you here my honest opinion of that track, you would blush… even if you are an old sailor! Given that we are talking about a race on NASCAR’s most boring track presented by Infomercials Я Us, my suggestion would be to go to the beach, enjoy the sun and sand, have a cookout while you’re there and come home just after the race ends. Then we’ll be on to Indy and ESPN, with TNT in the rearview mirror.
Bonus thought: at the end of this year, NASCAR regains control of its own website, nascar.com, from Turner Broadcasting… it was a hangover from that first network deal that began back in 2000, and would take a month to explain. I have no clue how rock solid the TV contract between the two might be, but my uneducated guess is that NASCAR does all it can to get out of that last year with them doing the 6-week summer break. No, don’t smile yet, because that just might mean six more weeks of FOX, but you would see more of the race, even though you’d also see more of Waltrip times two. Tough choice there…
Now then, let’s move right along to my reason for taking over this week. How about that Chase for No Sponsorship? Did I hit that square on the head eight years ago or what? I told ‘em, NASCAR, that is, that it would drive out the sponsors and in turn would ultimately drive out the fans as well. What self-respecting sponsor wants to pay the freight for a car that won’t be seen again after week 26 of a 36-week season? Worse yet, the “top 35″, which generally translates to those with the most sponsor dollars to spend, are guaranteed to race, while any new team aka new money trying to break into the sport is forced to fight and claw for one of the remaining eight spots weekly. Gee, remind me again why we have teams starting and parking…
The current reigning King came to power in 2004 along with the Chase for No Sponsorship and the Lucky Dog rule, which is equally obnoxious, but does serve the purpose of making the stats look far more competitive than the race itself ever was. Back when all that started, the old gal that owns this keyboard wrote a piece called, “NASCAR Doesn’t Love Me Anymore.” I’d like to talk her into doing a rerun of that one, but only if you all beg for it. This space costs money, or so I’m told.
Along with all the new “ideas” introduced by the third generation of the Family France was the great Western movement… Kansas, Chicago, Fontana, Las Vegas, second race at Phoenix, etc., and the sweeping out of what have come to be called the “Core fans” in favor of a much younger audience. Y’all are free to translate “Core fans” to “Senior Citizens” or maybe just “Old Farts” if you like. What I’ve always had trouble understanding is why the rush to be rid of the very folks that have the most disposable income to spend? It never quite made sense until this morning.
As we do every morning, PattyKay and I, we began our day with a trip to Jayski to see what happened in the racing world overnight, (Jay gets up earlier than we do) and there it was, staring us right in the face. The ugly truth!!! It began this way…
“Kahne vs. Earnhardt, Jr. in finals for “Drive for the Cover”:
This is it. A month of voting by the most passionate fans in all of sports has whittled down the field to two mammoth combatants: #88-Dale Earnhardt Jr. and #5-Kasey Kahne. Two more weeks of voting between this pair of NASCAR stars will decide the victor of the Drive for the Cover campaign – and the ultimate prize of gracing the NASCAR The Game: Inside Line cover.”
What follows is a post that my alter ego, PK put up here on RacersReunion after reading the entire piece on Jayski:
Well fellow race fans, here it is, right under our noses… the battle of the century it seems, yet I must confess that this race fan has never even heard of this. While we foolish old folk are watching our boob tubes or worse, spending our hard earned cash on admittance to a race track, thereby ensuring the financial success of someone named France or Smith, the target demographic is amusing themselves by choosing which pretty boy will adorn the cover of “NASCAR, the Game.”
Now, I don’t know if that “Game” is X-Box, Sega, Nintendo, Wii or any of a hundred other makers of finger-controlled amusement… perhaps all… I am clueless as to how all that works, but I sure do know what it ISN’T. It isn’t RACING! I do believe we’ve found the answer! Instead of working to keep alive the history of our fading sport, the new way to reach them is to change the entire sport into a hand-held package of fun… to go along with the other 43 hand-held devices they already have in their teen-caves.
No wonder NASCAR doesn’t give a rip what we say about racing. Sneakily and quietly, they have already won over the Pampers Posse with which we have been replaced. No, we won’t see them in the grandstands. Their seats are anywhere they happen to be, and their view is not of the live race we watch, but of a self- designed world of make-believe where they are the only winner and the competition always loses. Just as in school, there is no need to learn humiliation or acceptance of one’s place in the world. They build their self-esteem on foundations of shifting sand and dreams, with never a thought that anything could possibly go wrong in that little land through the looking glass. Why, just look. The most important thing on their vapid young minds is the Cover-Boy for the latest game. The details follow, if you really have the stomach for this sort of nonsense. As for me… I want my world back!!!
~PattyKay
Yep, I think the old gal nailed that one, but I still want the last word. Did you notice the part that said, “ the most passionate fans in all of sports?” Really? Surely, you jest! These are children, and they are not voting on a sport, they are voting… a term that has come to mean pushing a button endlessly for weeks at a time… for a picture on the inside flap of a video game. What on earth does that have to do with sports, let alone “All sports?” Methinks someone gets far too carried away with his superlatives.
If that is what we are now supposed to see as being a race fan, then count me out. Somehow, I always thought that going out to the track, regardless of weather, sweltering in the heat or sitting out the rain, actually enjoying the lungs full of dust I took home from the dirt races, or shivering from the wind in March was all part of being a fan. Now they want me to sit home and race with my fingers? Uh-uh! Not me. How about you, race fans? What’s the ultimate prize in your opinion? Choices include the Cup from whichever sponsor presents it at the time, or your picture on the cover of the Music City News… Oops, pardon my Country Music sneaking in there, I meant NASCAR, the Game.
And that’s just what’s on my irritated mind today…
~LIB
I’ll just pop in here long enough to thank the Lady in Black for stopping by and to sign off for today. Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
~PattyKay
Email: nas3car@etcmail.com
Twitter: @MamaPKL
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The Lady In Black nailed it, big time.
Thank you kind Sir. Your comments are appreciated … even if you have been one of her biggest fans for years. (Zippety-doo-dah)
Well I dont know for sure about this episode that ole gal thats staying up on Ball-Ground with PKL has contributed to the cyber net, B U T, I know she has been out on the back deck sunning to long. It was posted she was going to pitch a Hissy-Fit but you know I do think she may be seeing an angle that the heat makes you see when you stay out in it to long. She probably is wound up because the only way she can get any Kentucky Fried Chicken from is in Canton (Isnt that where Walthorpe is from??). Missing the Mac & Cheese with mashed taters &Gravy possibly had her tummy upset.
But she done went and got them good ole boys over in Hazzard looking close now by mixing Boss Hog and Bruton Smith in the same sentence. By the way Roscoe and his boys sashayed that traffic right on over there outta the way of those yankee tourists on the big road.
Now she knocking 25% off the count of folks braving the weather,must be her cut of the take,hmmmmm…
Oh yeah she was stomping on dity rags too saying them boys was scratching the track all up, you know every body has to start somewhere,Dont they??
That boy Brad jumped the fence again and crawled in a car and won that race,just took it away from those poor ole guys on IROC.
Them guys over in Corbin Ky at KFC home was crankin out those commercials every lap, who did that>>
Those three yo-yo’s up there calling the game,or race, was like the three stoogies,one stuttering,one looking around for the right camera to smile at and the other one,well he was looking for the teleprompter.
Wonder who will show up next year to call the race??
I read somewhere that Maybe,now just maybe that PKL should go down to Daytona with the Legend in tow and tell Brain Baby what the problem is.. Word out is there is a goat show in the Carolinas that has the problem all figured out in racing . They done went up and built a new track where an old one was and its kicking up dust like a big ole track already .
word is they know how to draw a crowd so as long as you keep the gravy off the track and the Mac n Cheese in the bowl should be a finger Licking good series ..
That 35 or 25 or 10 you talk about seems a little wrong for some of the good ole boys because all them dont haul stuff on the side to cover expenses.
One more thing and then i will hush, Yall just leave JR or Dale as some want to call him alone. He is up there waiting to concur so !!!!! oh by the way she calls a guy named Jay regular for her update on what that lady in black thinks she knows .. My take on the lady in black..
Johnny, what am I to do with you? Your comments always leave me a bit befuddled as to whether you agree or disagree, but I’m guessing that you liked this one. No one said a word about Dale and believe it or not, I’ve known Jay since 1999. I do get a kick out of the visual of little me towing a big guy like the Legend down to Daytona to show Brian the ways of the world of racing. It would be a good idea if someone did.
I’m going to back out of here before you find something else to complain about, but thanks for stopping by… I think.
Well I do declare that LIB struck a resoun ding chord with that there article !!! And dang her! for making me question—for the thousandth time or so—why I am going to subject both myself and my wonderful/beautiful Missus to sitting in the Florida heat/humidity/50% chance of rain this Saturday night—AND contributing to the delinquency of Big Brain France by paying for tickets to a LIVE race !!!!!!!!!!!! *SIGH* If I have any money left over from paying to park for the afore-mentioned event, I think I owe LIB a 2-piece meal, original recipe, with mac & cheese AND smashed ‘taters and gravy !:P!:P!
Marc, I’d happily settle for a Coke 0. I have never cared for the grease-laden anything from KFC, and now I have a great reason for avoiding it… but thanks for the thought. Remember, you owe me one.
Welcome Back, Lady in Black! Even if it is only temporary. You done good, Gal!
Seems like there is not too many who remember what real racing is and the original purpose of forming NASCAR. So many want it to be more like stick and ball and others want entertainment rather than real racing. Even ole Bruton is now suggesting mandatory cautions to create more excitement. Everyone needs to be p.c. nowadays and a lot of prima donnas want the rookies and also rans just to pull over and give them more room. Guess that is why the drivers like going to Eldora so much. They can be racers and have fun doing it.
As far as TNT and KFC, they were closely knit at Kentucky. As far as the announcers, I do like Wally but not sure they really give him his lead to say or do what would be best for viewers. JMO…
Sorry if I got too far off topic.
.
Hi Vivian! You know one can never be off-topic here, as I tend to talk about anything and everything. Honestly, in this column, I’m not sure where the Lady ended and I began… or is that the other way around?
We already have stick and ball sports. Just consult your TV all through the year. Every once in a while, a race breaks out and danged if I wouldn’t like to watch it. We already have “entertainment” as well, or what passes for it these days. Most of it now consists of “Reality shows” that bear absolutely no ties or resemblance to the reality I know, which is life. I’ll take a pass on the National Anthem and leave that one for another day.
I too like Wally, and I like Kyle as well, but not when they take over the race I came to see and hear. I really can live without glimpses into their personal lives or their Tweeps on Twitter. I don’t care!!!
TNT, I won’t miss, though as I said, it’s a tough choice between them and the FOX gang. ESPN will come in with a bang at Indy, showing off all their newest techy toys and then forget to show up to broadcast things like practice and qualifying for most of the remainder of the races. In their case, they are the ones that don’t care.
NASCAR desperately needs their own version of the Golf Channel or the NFL Channel. They need one of their own, and though I hate to say this and will surely live to regret it, they need control over their own content. Scary, but yes, I really said that. I’m tired of TNT breaking the 4-minute mile to get off the air, and I’m tired of listening to Jaws braying like a Jackass in my living room. That said, I do hope his dog is all right. Last I heard, he was in emergency Vet care.
KFC may be in Kentucky, but that’s a pretty lame excuse for the mental and emotional abuse they heaped on unsuspecting viewers Saturday night. One place KFC will never be is on my dining table. One bite, and all that hot grease running down my chin cured me of that years ago.
Thanks for the comments Hon. Hope to see you next week, same bat time, same bat channel.
Sorry, I guess I don’t follow your column enough to know a the inside jokes..so I’ll just go my own way here! I’m in the same generation as the writer of this column, and, I too have many displeasures with the way racing has gone..on the track, tv, and in print. So..I decided to change my approach to my involvement in NASCAR this season. I don’t watch any of the pre race, post race, or during the week tv NASCAR programs. I turn the race on usually during the invocation…and off upon completion of the race. I scan Jayskis and read a few articles of my choosing … You don’t have to read more then 4 out of the 20+ offered..they all pretty much say the same thing. I try very hard to “tune out” the jabber during races and have gotten very good at “tuning back in” when the announcers are actually talking about an important factor in the race. So far it’s working. I look forward to the races, I’m not oversaturated with needless media hype, and for the most part..I’m enjoying the races. For me…being free from all the excess NASCAR dribble, gossip, favoritism, useless facts, and self promoting..has brought me back to what I enjoy the most…racing!
Hi Erin, and welcome to my nutty little world. If you’re my age, then like me, you’re older than dirt, but still managing to have some fun I hope. We have no inside jokes here. My offerings are all wide open for comments, pro or con. The reason you’re not familiar with my columns is probably because they haven’t appeared on the Internet for years and only recently began again here at RacersReunion. I’m so happy you found me!
I don’t watch all of the stuff that goes on around the race itself, but if I’m to write an informed opinion, I do have to watch some of it, and yes, that can be painful. I keep my finger close to the mute button at all times and elect to go to live streaming of MRN or PRN whenever possible, no matter who is broadcasting the show.
I too scan Jay’s page in the morning and select a few columns I know to be from good writers and let the rest go. There are only so many ways to describe a cat, and I catch on quickly. Twenty people all saying essentially the same thing is overkill, for sure.
I really hope you found something of value here; heaven knows, I try! If you really want to share with folks talking and sometimes reliving the history of our once-great sport, click on the link to the Stock Car page here at RacersReunion and become acquainted with all we offer and share willingly.
Thanks so much for stopping by and for your comments. Both are much appreciated.
A most excellent assessment of the State of the Disunion now known as NASCAR racing. What we (the “core fans”) had in the 50s through 80s will never be again and that is most unfortunate. Everything you wrote here LIB is right on point. Racing has degenerated into a Hollywood production of staged outcomes and glamourous actors who have been trained since birth to hold a steering wheel.
As for commercials during TV broadcasts, we all know sponsors are required for television time. Everytime I hear the cost of a 30 second commercial for the NFL’s Stupid Bowl, I cringe at the thought of the stupidity involved in advertising. NASCAR has perfected sponsorship involvement to a level never thought possible, but, as you stated, team sponsors are pulling out because of the pitfalls of the top 35 rule and The Chase format. Somehow, that is overlooked by the “brains” (another imaginative term when thus applied) at NASCAR.
An estimate of 125,000 at Kentucky, from what I could see, is an over-estimate of about 75,000. Of course, we don’t know how many crew members were there with Hendrick and Rousch racing so that may account for the difference. Or, perhaps, it was the number of KFC franchise owners who got in free for their sponsorship of the event. I’m with you on that KFC commercial. I can’t tolerate either the Mac and Cheese or the Mashed Potatoes and gravy from KFC. Come to think of it, I can’t tolerate anything from KFC, but they don’t depend on me for income anyway. As for that commercial, I wish that kid would punch that old man in the mouth so hard that all he could eat for a month is chicken soup. And I’m not usually a violent person.
As for the Firecracker 400, and yes, that is what it will always be to me, it makes a great spectacle at night, under the lights, but there hasn’t been a 400 there yet which compares to anything run from 1959 to 1984. Those were some great races and you get even get a tan (or sunburned) being there. Oh well,they don’t even run it on July 4th anymore so what’s the loss?
Thanks for such a great article and allowing me to “vent” a little myself. It is, afterall, July 4th and I have the freedom to say whatever I want to say.
Well good morning to you Mr. Leeming! It’s nice to see our Legend in such fine fettle this Holiday morning. As you know, because we’ve done it, you and I could sit and talk for hours, expanding on all the subjects touched on in this one, and I doubt we’d come to a single disagreement, but I fear that the Lady may have missed the mark in giving prime importance to the limp concept of racing for a picture displayed on a video game versus actual on-track excitement. No comments thus far seem to touch on that aspect.
That one lit my fuse early yesterday morning, and I touched off a fire on the keyboard getting it to press. I thought personally that it read like the travesty it is. Maybe I just didn’t push hard enough or maybe I buried it under my propensity for long-winded statements. Me??? Talk too much??? The devil, ya say! Must be the Irish shining through.
You have a great day, ya hear? I’m guessing you’ll be spending yours with the grandsons, and I will spend at least time enough to eat with my kids as well… and no, you can bet there will be nothing from KFC involved at either table.
Thanks so much for stopping by. If I’m good, I’ll have your Legendtorial up in maybe an hour or so. I’m still waking up here.
Hi PK; Don’t you know by now that you and all the rest of us aren’t allowed to have any opinions of NASCAR unless they are positive? I mingle with the “greatest fans of earth” weekly at one the of three or four local tracks I attend and their T-shirts no longer reflect an attachment to their favorite Cup stat for the most part. They are rooting for their favorite local 410 sprint car driver, or pavement late model shoe. Attebdabce and car count have been down at the pavement tracks (for reasons I won’t get into), but the two dirt tracks are packing them in with fair pricing on tickets and concessions and most importantly, a good show.
Someone mentioned a week ago about missing the CUP race on the tube to be at the local dirt track and the general concession is that one CUP race is the same as the next or past one.
I wonder how Brian and his brain trust and marketing gurus can explain that one.
Hi Denny! Hold on a year or so while Brian appoints a study committee to look into why the local tracks are outdrawing the Cup tracks. You know the answers as well as I do, and how many times over the years have you heard me recommend that folks seek their “entertainment” at the little track down the road and forego the crowds and abuse at a NASCAR bore fest?
I think it’s wonderful that there seems to be some resurgence of fans at the weekly races, and I weep each time I see that a track has closed. There IS a place for racing, even in this fast-paced touch-screen world we find ourselves living in today, and it’s closer to home than most think. I am so very happy that you are still actively seeking out all that is good about racing and enjoying it.
Take care, my friend. Enjoy your Holiday and drive safely.
OMG!!!! You like Danica and don’t like KFC. How can one senior citizen be so wrong.
ARF.
Yep, that’s just the way it is. I’m firmly planted in Danica’s cheering section and KFC is nothing but a bucket of grease with some bones floating in it.
Buddy says “Woof” to Jake… before folks start thinking you’re some sort of canine nut. ~LOL~