Aero:  Indicator on a road course that tells Cup drivers which way to turn

Aero Push:  When a car knocks down the indicator

Air Dam: Cussing at the wind

Air pressure: Gas pains

Apron:  A bib to keep Big Mac sauce off Jamie McCutey's firesuit

Back Marker: A Sharpie for autographing body parts

Balance:  What you lose when you get tight. (See definition below)

Banking:  A foreign science to most NASCAR fans, but a favorite pastime of the France Family and Bruton Smith

Bite:  What you do to your $6.00 hot dog

Black Flag:  A must in your track bag for those buggy night races

Boogity:  Don't ask!  You don't want to know

Brake Shoe:  Different than Danica's "Shoe that breaks"

Bud Shootout:  Any on-track altercation with the #29 car

Catch fence:  Supposedly there to keep cars out of the grandstand, but can't even contain hot dog wrappers

Caution: (pronounced cow-shun) an undefined animal part, similar to a "nugget"

Chase:  See next definition

Chevy:  An original on Saturday Night Live

Chassis: Complimentary term for a female body

Conspiracy theory: The reason your favorite driver didn't win

Cooler:  What the track is at night

COT:  Where a crew member can catch a nap in the hauler.

Crew:  A 1950's haircut

Crew chief:  The barber who gives you a crew

Darby, John: Leprechaun in charge of NASCAR shenanigans

Dirty Air: Often produced by flatulence

Dodge:  Attempt to miss the “Big One.”

Down force: What every driver claims to have happened when he goes below the yellow line on a restrictor plate track

Draft:  An $8.00 beer at the track

Drafting: What the bartender is doing after you order a draft

Drag:  See Fender Skirts

EIRI Rule (Except In Rare Instances):  NASCAR's butt-cover for every rule they forgot to make at the beginning of the year

Fabricator: Nice word for liar

Fender Skirts: Drag apparel for cars

Firewall: Pit road after a gas spill

Ford:  The President after Tricky Dick

France, Brian: Rich kid with a new toy to break

Front Clip: Just trim the bangs

Frozen field: Acreage at the South Pole

Fuel Cell: Gasoline powered telephone

Goodyear: One which produces a fine crop of grapes. See: whine

Green Flag: Flies over Ireland?

Groove:  What Stella lost

HANS device:  A thingamajig used for transporting silver skates

Happy Hour:  The one in which you finally make it from parking lot to highway (usually about the fourth)

Helton, Mike:  Movie stand-in for Saddam Hussein

Infield: Talladega’s answer to Mardi Gras

Inner-liner:  The food you eat before you start drinking the $8.00 drafts

“It is what it is”: “Shut up! It’s my game and I get to make up the rules”

Kitty litter:  Debris from the Cat car

Loose:  Most gals wearing beads in theTalladegainfield

Marbles:  What drivers lose after about three head injuries (Your results may vary)

Neutral: Neither Feminine nor Masculine

Over Steer: Similar to bull riding

Pace car:  The one that leads the most laps at Bristol

Pemberton, Robin: Example of what track food will do to you

Pit road:  That area of the race track with a speed limit 20 mph slower than the highway just outside the track

Pole:  Anyone whose name ends in "ski"

Pole-sitter:  Any of the above who never stands during a race

Progressive Banking:  Increasing the amount in your savings account

Pushy-loose:  An assault on one of the gals wearing beads in the Dega infield

Quarter Panel: One fourth of a jury

Race Trim:  This usually takes the form of very expensive advertising on the hood of the car

Rear Clip: Just take a little off the back

Restrictor Plate:  The metal walls at Pocono that used to keep the cars out of the woods.

Road Course:  Driver's Ed

Roof Flaps:  Arguments atop any hauler

SAFER Barrier: A better condom

Scoring Loops: Judging Figure Skating

Scuffs:  Tom Higgins' Reruns

Set-up:  What the bar at Whisky River always is

Silly Season:  February through December

Smith, Bruton:  Someone you’ll never see in the same room with Boss Hogg

Splitter: Abe Lincoln's axe

Spoiler:  Either parent of any whining young driver

Spotter:  A car leaking oil on the track

Sprint:  The way you get to the restroom after a few $8.00 drafts.

Stagger:  What you do after three $8.00 drafts if you neglected your inner-liner

Stickers:  Those pesky hot dog wrappers in grills

Tars:  aka Goodyears (Alternative for New Englanders: "tyahs")

Telemetry:  Executive toys for grown boys

Tight:  Almost ready to "stagger"

Track bar:  The place where you buy the $8.00 drafts that make you tight

Under steer: Looking up at a bovine

Valance: A topper for curtains

Water Bottle: Sometimes confused with weaponry

Wedge:  Fitting a 40" butt into an 18" seat in the grandstand

Whine:  An excellent choice with aged cheese

Whining driver:  One who considers himself above the beer scene

White Flag: I surrender

Wind Tunnel: Where flatulence originates

Yellow Flag:  Iris

~LIB

Be well gentle readers and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you.

~PattyKay

Email:  nas3car@etcmail.com

Twitter: @MamaPKL

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