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The first two are from a long-ago meeting of “Winged Warriors”:
"I don't think bigger spoilers are the answer...what we need is a rear wing like you saw on the Dodges in the late 60's."
Ricky Rudd, commenting on the early 80’s NASCAR cars' handling problems
(Um…didn't we go through the wing thing once again on the “Car of Tomorrow?" Those that choose not to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.)
*****
"Forget that, we're not going back to the Batmobiles!"
NASCAR Top Cop Bill Gazaway, answering Ricky Rudd's comment
(Batmobiles? When I hear the term I get an instant visual of a 1959 Chevy.)
*****
Here we have a couple from gentlemen who were lucky to be able to say anything, let alone something witty:
"When I saw the wall coming through the car, I knew I was in trouble."
Mike Harmon, after walking away from a gruesome crash during a Busch Grand National practice session atBristol
"When I started out on asphalt and wound up on dirt, I knew I was in trouble."
Jimmy Horton, after exiting Talladega the hard way (over the wall and onto a dirt lane outside and well below the track) in 1993
(Well…at least they both recognized trouble when they saw it!)
*****
The boys in the booth all claim to be “Trained Broadcast Professionals,” but they have their moments, just like the rest of us:
"Richard Childress recently went polar-bear hunting up in the Northwest Territory near Antarctica."
FOX commentator Larry McReynolds
(Larry, please consult your compass)
*****
"I've always said your legacy is what you leave behind you."
Darrell Waltrip, enlightening FOX TV viewers
(Then what would define what you leave in front of you?)
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"Lowe’s Motor Speedway is one of those tracks where the sun usually sets in the west."
MRN radio commentator Barney Hall
I wonder what the exception would be. When there’s a full moon?
*****
Drivers of course, are always articulate, sometimes to a fault. Here’s a few from the men behind the wheels:
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"The track is so fast, it’s not made for racing. It’s made for speed."
Ryan Newman, speaking of Texas Motor Speedway
(The sad part is, I almost understand that one.)
*****
"At this point, I think if I saw someone on the side of the road selling horseshoes, I would stop and buy one."
Bobby Labonte, in the midst of a tough season
(Been there; felt that way)
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"We've got heavy hearts in the backs of our minds."
Kurt Busch, expressing his feelings on then car-owner Jack Roush in the aftermath of Roush’s injuries in a plane crash
(Well, I think we know what he meant to say…I think.)
*****
"I thought maybe he needed a psychologist, first off for owning a race team and secondly for hiring me."
Bill Elliott on Ray Evernham
(Now THAT is a lesson in humility!)
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"They’re going to have to come in here and bulldoze the place."
Rusty Wallace, complaining about New Hampshire Motor Speedway
(Yet after all these years, it’s still the same! (Your writer detests that track on several levels)
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"Don't come here and grumble about going too fast. Get out of the racecar if you've got feathers on your legs or butt. Put a kerosene-soaked rag around your ankles so the ants won't climb up there and eat your candy a**."
Dale Earnhardt on slowing down races (Comment made regarding New Hampshire Motor Speedway ~ popular place it seems... Most folks will swear he said that about Talladega. If he did, he repeated himself. NHMS, fall race of 2000... the one where they ran the one-mile track with restrictor plates following the deaths of Adam Petty and Kenny Irwin.)
(He always had a way with words. Lord I still miss him!)
*****
“God created bumpers and… Bumpers were made for bumping!”
Dale Earnhardt
*****
"I taught you everything you know but I didn't teach you everything I know"
(I've seen this one credited to Dale Earnhardt, but I remember Bobby Allison saying it years before that and it probably wasn't new then.)
*****
"I keep trying to get Junior to come back to the track and help me. I asked him at Bristol, 'Junior, just come over and stand in the pits with a headset on the wall like you used to.' And he said, 'Boy, you ain't running good enough for me to help you.'"
Darrell Waltrip, when he was an owner/driver…referring to Junior Johnson
(Junior always knew how to get the most meaning from the fewest words!)
*****
“Money buys speed. How fast do you want to go?”
(I've seen this attributed to Smokey Yunick, but I have reason to believe that it originated with Banjo Matthews and was the slogan for “Banjo’s Performancenter,” the name of his garage.)
*****
This next bunch is all from the same man; someone I could listen to for days without ever getting tired of listening. Here are just a few from the “Gentle Giant,” Buddy Baker:
"Ernie Irvan could go bear hunting with a switch. He ain't never afraid."
Discussing Rick Hendrick and Felix Sabates - "Well I don't know which one has more money but I'll tell you what. Either one could burn a wet mule with hundred dollar bills."
On a newly re-paved Darlington- "The new asphalt is like putting a tuxedo on a rattlesnake."
(No big deal today. Repaves seem to be the order of the day, and I haven't seen a rattlesnake anywhere but Phoenix... and it was real)
On being asked to do a TV piece on conserving fuel - "I told them they better get somebody else; that I didn't know anything about saving gas."
"Man, I've hit everything but the lottery."
On the Gibson Guitar Buddy himself won at Nashville- "I was like a pig with a wristwatch"
From Hickory Speedway "Short track racing is by all means a contact sport"
(If he were here, I’d just hug him! How come he’s not doing races now and taking home the big bucks like Larry and Darrell? )
*****
Then, of course, there are always the words of wisdom that emanate from the hierarchy of NASCAR itself:
"Certainly it's not a playoff. No matter what we do, it will not be a playoff format. A playoff implies a lot of things, notably best 2-out-of-3, single elimination. We're not talking about something like that. We're talking about something that still has a big element of consistency."
Brian France, when we moved from “Tweaking the point system” to the “Chase.”
(That one of course, was only the beginning. Anyone care to discuss glass dashboards? And the hits just keep on coming!)
And finally:
"It is what it is."
(Mike Helton, in his now infamous speech offered in explanation of the playoff that was not to be called a playoff... or something like that.)
*****
Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
~Patty Kay
Email: nas3car@etcmail.com
Twitter: @MamaPKL
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