These are designed to tickle your funny bone, bring back fond recollections or in some cases give you deeper insight into the mind of the speaker. This type of column has gotten a warm reception whenever I do one, so please enjoy... and thanks for the weekend off. I enjoyed that part immensely, especially the Festival on Saturday. (No moonshine was actually imbibed, at least by this old lady. Been there, done that only once... and I was much younger. I still have the unpleasant memory of how it burned, both going and coming back)
Bobby Allison, referring to Cale Yarborough in the now infamous fight in the infield after the 1979 Daytona 500:
“He just kept assaulting my fist with his face.”
(Bobby, that’s not quite the way that Cale tells it)
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Neil Bonnett on the difference between under steer and over steer:
“When the car’s tight, you see the wall before you hit it.”
“Loose is when you don’t see the wreck.”
Speaking of Neil, (Lord, I miss that man) this next one was shared with me by a gentleman whose name has been changed slightly to protect the guilty. Thanks John!
Another time, he ran an ASA race at Bristol, and a group of us, officials and drivers, were sitting around having a couple of cold ones together. Neil casually mentioned that he had to get going because he wanted to go fishing the next day. He mentioned his bass boat, and told us how big an outboard it had on it.
I asked him why he needed that much horsepower to go fishing.
He answered, "John, when you hook a bass at 90 miles an hour it takes the fight right out of him."
(Yep, that sure sounds like Neil to me)
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Allen Bestwick, calling a Budweiser Shootout:
“They’re going to have to change at least two right side tires.”
(I guess that would be two as opposed to nine right side tires on a Semi)
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Ward Burton, after winning the Daytona 500:
“It’s been a whirlpool week.”
(He might have meant “whirlwind?”)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
An obviously unhappy Sterling Marlin:
“The Chevrolet has had more nose jobs than Michael Jackson.”
(The man had a way with words, if you could understand them)
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Dave Blaney commenting on racing at Fontana:
“You can take it to the limit, but if you go past the limit, you’re going to go slower”
(umm...Sure!)
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Steve Park, describing his first contact with Dale Earnhardt:
“When Dale Earnhardt first called me on the phone he was pretty nice, so naturally, I was skeptical.”
(Actually, it was the second contact. Steve hung up on him the first time he called, thinking it was a friend playing a practical joke)
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Bobby Hamilton Sr. on Martinsville:
“You don’t want to rough nobody up, but some of them boys don’t care.”
(It’s tough to play nice with others on a short track)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mike Skinner, after “cooking” an engine from overheating:
“The gas mileage was a lot better than the water mileage today.”
(Steam heat?)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sterling Marlin, discussing Mike Wallace after an on-track meeting
“Every time he drives a Cup car, he’s always chopping and hacking somebody.”
(Lord, that sounds like he’s describing Jeffrey Dahmer)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ken Schrader on racing while hurt:
“You just do it. You just want to race. It ain't no big deal. You look at yourself and say, ‘You’re the one that wanted to be the racecar driver.’ You just do it.”
(Now folks, that’s devotion to duty)
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Bobby Labonte, obviously unhappy with Talladega:
“Sell the place to Bruton Smith and let him move the race to Texas.”
(I've often suggested that they plow it under and plant tobacco on it. Hold your fire; it’s only an opinion)
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Mike Bliss, obviously upset with Bobby Hamilton Jr. after a trip into the wall at Loudon:
“He’s got a 10-foot ego and a four-foot body and it ain't working too good right now.”
(Ooh, temper, temper)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ray Evernham denying reports he was leaving Hendrick
"The truth is not nearly as good as what the media is making up."
(Ray, I hate to be picking nits after all this time, but we were right)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Randy LaJoie, referring to Casey Atwood:
"I ran side by side with him without putting a mark on him. I was trying to put a mark on him but I couldn't catch him."
(Ah, sometimes the truth is so refreshing)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Matt Kenseth, referring to Dale Earnhardt, Jr.:
"The only way he was gonna beat us was if we wrecked - so he came up there and took us out himself."
(I thought those kids were friends)
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Dale Earnhardt, Jr referring to his wreck with Matt Kenseth
"I'd say he definitely had the better car and he was probably going to win the race. I killed his chances of doing that.''
(And there you have the other side of the same coin)
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Kyle Petty:
Success is being happy with yourself.
(I like that)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Geoff Bodine:
Tough times are the Lord's way of teaching me to be strong.
(I like that even more)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Winston Cup Champion Rex White
“I got a job working for the Chrysler-Plymouth dealer in Forrest Park, Georgia and never got back in it. I made more money selling cars than I ever made racing them."
(Rex was Champion in 1960 and the pay obviously wasn't too good back then)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Richard Petty, hosting a column for Circle Track
“Reflecting on the old days, the comradeship is what I miss most. Drivers used to sit around the garage and shoot the breeze. Reporters we all knew by name would join in. If they wanted to do an interview, they’d take out their notepad. Then they’d put the pad away and we’d continue to talk. We can’t do that now. The sport has gotten so big and there is so much going on that we've lost the personal relationship with drivers and media members. Now I don’t know many members of the press and sometimes it seems half of the drivers. Of all the sport has gained, comradeship is a good thing we've lost.”
(I make that point often, but it’s somehow much more impressive coming from the King)
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Todd Bodine
"I got wrecked racing for last. That’s Bristol."
(Just how hard does one race for last?)
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Bill France Jr., when asked why deaths in auto racing were six times more common than deaths in football:
"We go six times faster."
(There’s some sort of sense lurking in that)
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And to close out this week with a bit of hilarity mixed with a modicum of “Fear Factor"...
Buck Baker:
“Racing lost a true competitor when Junior Johnson retired. He was a go-or-blow driver and as a car owner, he had some teams that were almost unbeatable. I remember going to Junior’s for a cookout one time when we were racing at nearby North Wilkesboro Speedway. They had mountain oysters and plenty of moonshine whiskey. I wasn’t familiar with mountain oysters. I ate some, which had been grilled or fried like chicken. They were delicious--until I found out that they were hog nuts.”
(Umm, Yummy?)
~PattyKay
Email: nas3car@etcmail.com
Twitter: @MamaPKL
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