As I draw up to the keyboard for this one, I have just finished readying Tim Leeming's Legendtorial for publication... he being perhaps the easiest of our staff to edit. He makes few mistakes aside from those one can attribute to the keyboard, like when I just had to backspace to change "form" to "from", one of my most consistent and persistent faux pas. We all do things like that, you, me and Tim... difference being, he always apologizes in advance. By the time this is printed, you will see the significance of that, having read about his "kinder and gentler" self. What I love about this Friday effort is that I get to follow Tim and that means that I get the choice of whether to take an entirely different tack or follow his lead and compare our thoughts on various issues.

This week, being the merciful end of the Chase for No Sponsorship... which by the way is doing quite well in living up to that name, in case you hadn't noticed... there really isn't much else to talk about. The race at Phoenix, usually a boring snooze-fest on a flat one-mile, no-passing track, certainly made scrambled eggs out of the top of the leader-board, didn't it? One lap, Brad Keselowski takes the lead in the race and the very next lap, point-leader Jimmie Johnson has a meeting with the SAFER barrier and loses both the argument and the point-lead.

Then of course, there was that little disagreement over real estate between four-time Champion Jeff Gordon and Clint Bowyer, the youngster that used to be in third place with a chance at the Sprint Cup. I'm just going to guess that some of you might have a comment or twelve about what happened there, and since I'm not here 'til Friday, you've probably made them several times over by now. I know folks around here have, including the Legend, and what do ya know? We don't agree on this one. He's already had two shots, on the radio and in the column just ahead of mine. It's my turn now... then you get yours.

First, allow me to dispense with Jimmie Johnson's problems by saying, "Aww." Stuff happens! Granted, it usually happens to someone else, but this time it happened to Jimmie. I bear him absolutely no animosity whatsoever, and wish him better luck next year. I've heard all the comments about his personality, or lack of same, and I'm sure he has as well. Chandra and little Genevieve know better, and that's what counts. I'll return to "Bad Brad" in a bit, but right now I want to move ahead to the great debate being waged over the right or wrong of retaliation and how come this was treated differently from last year.

For openers, Clint says that he slid up into Jeff and barely touched him. In watching the replays, that is what I saw the first time, the second time, the third... OK, you get it. I believe it was not an intentional wipe-out of the four-time Champion. All week long, I've heard folks opining that "Jeff doesn't do that sort of thing." Really? Might want to ask Rusty Wallace about that... or Matt Kenseth... or Jeff Burton for goodness sake, probably the most soft-spoken guy in the garage (and most intelligent). All those and more have been the beneficiary of Jeff's hair-trigger temper on at least one occasion... and those are just the ones off the top of my old grey head. Yes Virginia, Jeff does do that sort of thing.

Having been around racing longer than many of you have been alive, there is one consistent thing that happens near the end of every single year, Chase or no Chase; doesn't matter. In the drivers' meeting, held before every single race of the Cup series, no matter which Cup they were or are racing for, when the end of the year is near, all drivers are warned of swift and severe penalties for messing with those still in the running for the grand prize... The Cup. Clint Bowyer was decidedly in line for the Cup, resting in third place behind Jimmie and Brad, but easily a mathematical possibility, until Jeff Gordon decided to play God.

Ignoring the black flag being waved in his honor, Gordon remained on the track and waited for Bowyer to come back around; then, with obvious malice aforethought, took him out of the race at Phoenix and out of  the race for the Cup as well. It happens; I know it happens. I've seen it happen many times before. Does it upset me? Not usually... I chalk it up to temper and know that by next week, the two involved, whoever they might be, will probably be tweeting each other and raising a glass of milk or 5-Hour Energy to each other. This one bothered me because it interfered with a man's chance to win The Cup. What's that you say? All they race for today is the money? The money might win out overall, but when it's all been spent, you'll find that the racer still stands in admiring awe when gazing at The Cup he won on that special day... his special day.

Jeff Gordon has four of those Cups, and has enjoyed four of those special days. That, dear Legend... and others championing the belief that "Bowyer had it coming" or somehow "deserved it", it what Jeff Gordon took away from Clint Bowyer. Jeff knows it; he accepts the penalty as right and just, but that doesn't change the fact that under no circumstance will Clint Bowyer heist that cup over his head this year at Homestead.

Then, there was the "fight." Oh, be still my heart! I went to a NASCAR race and a fight broke out! Hellooo? It's NASCAR; it's the end of the year and one team's driver just lost all chance at the Cup and all the money that comes along with it because of a deliberate move by another driver... who, by the way, secured at least a second place finish in the Chase for his teammate by doing so. That will more than assuage the pain of a $100K fine, don't ya know. If I were on Clint Bowyer's team, would I be fighting mad? Oh, you can take it to the bank that this little Irish lass would be up in arms, and though not very strong in my advancing years, would most certainly have exercised the vocabulary delivered by our new point leader after the race. Still, I am given to understand, though I cannot verify this from my own watching of the incident, that it was a Bowyer crewman that ushered Jeff Gordon to safety as the mock battle raged on. Nice move Sir, and thank you.

Somewhere, I read a comment (well, thousands in reality) stating that the fan had never seen the crews involved in a melee such as that. Our own Legend likened it to a brawl on a college campus for the purpose of destruction. To the commentator, I'd offer the 1989 "The Winston", when Rusty Wallace helped Darrell Waltrip perform the "Tide Slide" at Charlotte. The prize? $200,000. The winner? Rusty Wallace. That slide and the fight in the pits that followed were made famous... or infamous... the following week at the World 600, when they played a song hastily written and performed first on the radio on the "John Boy and Billy Show" It was called "The Ballad of Darrell and Rusty", and it lives on a VHS tape of said World 600, here at my house. It pains me that no one has ever put it on YouTube, as I possess neither the equipment nor talent to do so. I do however, have the words of this little ditty, written to the tune of Charlie Daniels' "Devil Went Down to Georgia."

Darrell went down to Charlotte

He was lookin' for a pole to steal

He was racin' Tide . . . filled with pride;

He wasn`t gonna make no deal.

When he came across this young boy

Drivin' that Kodiak car real hot,

And he pulled right up beside him there

And said, "Boy, lemme tell you what."

"I guess you didn't know it

I'm a NASCAR driver too,

And if you'd care to take a dare

I'll make a bet with you..."

"Now, you drive pretty good NASCAR, boy,

But give the Darrell his due.

I bet a seat on the pole against your soul

'Cause I think I'm better than you."

The boy said, "My name's Rusty

and it might be a sin,

But I'll take your Tide

And whip your hide.

I'm the best that's ever been."

Rusty better rev your car and drive that Pontiac hard

'Cause hell's broke loose in Charlotte

And Darrell deals the cards

And if you win you'll get this shiny trophy made of brass

But if you lose, Darrell'll kick your... butt.

Darrell opened up his lead

And said, "I'll start this show."

And fire flew from his fingertips

And he let that Chevy go.

But him and Rusty bumped it up

And he made an evil hiss

And the pit crew boys they all jumped in

And it sounded somethin' like this. ...

(Fight sounds)

When Darrell spun out Rusty said,

"You're pretty good ol' son.

But sit right back with the rest of the pack

Lemme show you how it's done."

Fire on the racetrack... what a sight

Whole damn infield's in a fight;

Kulwicki in the bread pan... pickin' up dough

Kyle does your car run... no child no...

Darrell bowed his head because he knew that he'd been beat,

Kept saying "Maybe I'd have won if Rusty didn't cheat."

Rusty said, "Darrell just come on back,

If you ever wanna run with me.

I done told you once before, old man,

I'm a cocky S.O.B."

Fire on the racetrack ... what a sight

Whole damn infield's in a fight

Kulwicki in the bread pan ... pickin' up dough

Kyle does your car run ... no child no.

 Lyrics by Dodie Kibler, Mark Daniels and Bill James. Courtesy of WRFX-FM.

    Bill James, by the way, is the Billy of "John Boy and Billy."

Maybe you had to be there... but no, the fight at Phoenix was far from the first fight among pit crews and I saw absolutely no damage caused by the combatants likened by The Legend to a destructive mob. In fact,  I didn't see as much as a bloody nose, for all the tussling and rolling around on the ground. My guess is, some little boys grown tall might have even enjoyed showing off their physical prowess a bit in front of a TV camera and getting their 15-seconds of fame.

As to Clint and his quarter-mile imitation of a top-fuel dragster, it was amusing, but my kudos go out to the cameraman that figured out what was coming and kept up with the sprinting Bowyer all the way to Jeff's hauler. But, c'mon man! Did anyone really think that the door would be unlocked?

And then there were the penalties... one inevitable; the other two... eh? Not so much! As mentioned earlier, Jeff Gordon himself has accepted the $100,000 penalty and probation until December 31 as fair and deserved. I concur. What did you expect NASCAR to do, hang him? And I already see the question forming in the minds of Kyle Busch fans, "Why wasn't Jeff suspended? Kyle was suspended for one whole race last year, and it's the same thing!"

No! It is not the same thing at all! If you look at it objectively, which in this case I believe NASCAR did, you'll understand that Kyle was racing in a series (Camping World Trucks) where he was not there for points, only to race for a win. That is what they call a "mitigating circumstance." Jeff Gordon is very much in it for the points, being a Chaser himself. Kyle did take out of contention a very viable contender for the CSTS trophy last year in Ron Hornaday Jr., the difference being, he did it under caution! That, my gentle readers, is a HUGE difference. Upon reflection, Kyle, like Jeff, accepted the penalty as fair and just and accepted responsibility for his actions. I doubt that impressed or assuaged the feelings of Ron Hornaday, just as I doubt that Clint Bowyer will be sending Jeff Gordon a Christmas card this year, but you never know. Stranger things have happened... like trucks racing in the dirt at Eldora. The world is not all bad!

So far... and I hope you've noticed that, Mr. France and Mr. Pemberton... I've been very much in agreement with NASCAR's handling of the whole affair, but now it's time to switch sides and stand firmly with my friend The Legend on the remaining points. The penalty for Brian Pattie I can almost understand... if I stand right over here and squint just the right way with my head tilted. He gets to shoulder the blame for the whole dang team rolling around in the dirt and the mud like Johnny Cash in "A Boy Named Sue." I don't necessarily agree with that philosophy, but I guess NASCAR needed to save face and blame someone. Myself, I'd probably have tacked that last $25K onto Gordon's fine, but that's just me. Brian will survive, and hopefully it will come out of Mikey's pocket anyway, which is much deeper.

The red flag after the lack of a yellow one near the end of the race? The oil was quite clear to all fans watching at home, yet it couldn't be seen from the control tower? You, NASCAR, didn't hear about it from anyone's spotter? Sorry... I was born at night, but it wasn't last night. You wanted that race to end and in choosing that method, you took out some good racers and wrecked a whole bunch of sheet metal. As The Legend said, you should pay for those cars!

And as you can readily see, I saved the best for last. Brad Keselowski, the new point leader, fined $25K for having a cell phone in his car. The same Brad Keselowski that you applauded after Daytona for keeping fans informed as the fire raged on the front stretch. Whoa! Put your guns down. I've gotten the message... such as it is. It was even posted on our board, directly from the Charlotte Observer, by one of our members.

"In a surprise, Keselowski was fined $25,000 and placed on probation for using his cell phone while the race was red-flagged for the Gordon/Bowyer wreck. He did the same thing in the season-opening Daytona 500 with no adverse action by NASCAR.

NASCAR claimed Monday it had since told drivers they could no longer have cell phones on board their cars during races, but had not publicly announced any such policy." (It is my understanding this "revelation" came about following another red flag, this time at Richmond)

So, what we have here then is yet another incident, much like the "secret fines" fans were promised would not happen again, only in this instance the penalty is public but the rule was kept secret. Forgive me gentlemen, if I have more than a slight problem digesting that. It's rather like promising the judge that you'll stop beating your wife, only to start kicking her instead. You might not have broken your promise to us, the fans, but you most certainly have broken the intent of the promise. Sorry, but you cannot have it both ways. Because the rule was unknown, this penalty was unfair and should be rescinded... with the understanding of course, that no one carries a cell phone from this day forward. (And you might want to ask Wendy Venturini not to show us any more of the little pouches in the cars made for the express purpose of holding those supposedly "banned" cell phones.)

In closing, dear gentlemen of NASCAR, please let me assure you that if any of you sees fit to send me mail about this or any other column put forth by me, I shall not ask permission to print your response, but will do so at the first opportunity, knowing that once in my hands, it is my property. Therefore, please choose your words carefully and be as respectful of me as I am of you. To all of my gentle readers, I can't wait to hear your responses this week. I know, being a Friday column, that the subject matter grows cold to some, but you, my readers, have never disappointed me. Bring it on! Tell 'em what you really think!

Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!

~PattyKay

Email:  nas3car@gmail.com

Twitter: @MamaPKL

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