To explain the reason for all that, we need to step back in history a bit. The very first website I wrote for was a small and mostly unknown one called Maclouridees.com. Don't bother; it hasn't existed in many years, and in all honesty, didn't make much of a splash when it did exist... but I was there and for over a year, called it home. When "Mac" as I call it, shut down, it came without much warning and in the early spring of 2003, I was left homeless... until I received an email from a gal named Jeanne that had seen the "Closed" sign on the door. I haven't seen Jeanne or her red Corvette in many moons now, but if any of you read my "Voice For The Fans" columns, that was originally her idea. After 10 years, I figured the time had come to revive the concept.
Jeanne told me she had put in a good word for me at the site where she wrote and asked me to contact the editor there. I did and it proved to be the beginning of a career in writing. The editor was Ron Felix, and the site was Insider Racing News. Monday night as I was perusing the short list of available post-season reading on Jayski's links page, I noticed something, or more to the point, someone, out of place... a writer on the wrong site. The site was Insider Racing News and the writer was Carol Einarsson, who had been the very first writer Ron and Connie had.
Almost knowing what I was going to find, because Ron has toyed with retiring for at least three years now, I clicked and read to the end. My thoughts were confirmed. The site is closing its doors, apparently as of the posting of that column. I sat there looking at the familiar pages which for a long time had carried my words and those of many others to the NASCAR fans waiting to read, and unbidden tears slowly trickled down my cheeks. I didn't even bother to brush them away. Sometimes, it's good to cry. Sometimes, it's hard to say goodbye.
A friend asked later how it felt to see the site close. My answer came almost at once... it feels akin to seeing them tear down Grandma's old house. No, Grandma doesn't live there anymore... hasn't in years, but there was a comfort in knowing that the old house was still standing, just as it always had. Now, it's gone. There's an unpleasant finality in that.
Next morning, still looking back, I remembered a column that a coworker, Mike Contreras, had written for me when it was my time to leave. Ron sent me a link to the column, and I knew he sent it with tears, as we were always good friends. Serious health problems in the family necessitated my leaving, not any sort of disagreement. Now it is Ron and Connie that are leaving, and I feel it's my turn to dedicate a column to them.
I "thought" I knew which column had been my first at Insider Racing News, but I was wrong. The very first one to appear on those pages was a race report, which might even have been written for the Mac site, from my alter-ego, The Lady in Black. My long-time readers all remember the Lady and most loved her... most, but not all. It was all or nothing with The Lady; they either loved her or hated her, and didn't hesitate to tell me, either way.
Keeping all that in mind, I offer once more a chance to look back in time and read my very first effort on the pages of Insider Racing News. It will see its 10th anniversary come March, so the content, much like last year's Christmas fruit cake, is far out of date... all the drivers are different now and the references are to things many won't even remember. Still, a first only happens once; like the Little Drummer Boy, I have no gift to bring, but I have my words. I hope they bring some pleasant memories to the fore.
Ron and Connie, this Bud, like this column, is for you! Thanks for the chance; thanks for the memories and most of all, thanks for your friendship! I love you guys...
~PK
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The Lady in Black is Back
by: PattyKay
March 3, 2003
Author’s note*
I bid you welcome, gentle readers. I’m the new kid on the block. For those of you not familiar with me, my name is PattyKay, I live in the Northern part of the great State of Georgia, I’m someone’s grandmother and I’ve been a NASCAR fan longer than some of you have been alive. If you continue to read my ramblings, you’ll find that sometimes I’m gentle, sometimes I’m funny and sometimes I am deadly serious. Mostly, I’m a NASCAR fan with strong opinions, and never afraid to share them.
Having said all that, today’s column has little to do with me, but a lot to do with a fictional character called “The Lady in Black.” The Lady first emerged in a Yahoo Fantasy Racing group whose main purpose is story telling. She purports to be a race reporter who travels to all or most of the tracks, then reports what she sees in her own inimitable fashion. . If you don’t like her, please hold your fire. I have little or no control over what she says or does. If she fails to insult your driver today, keep reading and I promise you, she will.
Remember gentle readers, it’s all in fun, and intended to be funny. Now, without further ado, I give you:
The Lady in Black
A Day in the Desert
Good day race fans! This is your raving reporter, the Lady in Black, coming to you from the rain soaked desert near Lost Wages. Guess y'all know they had a little race or two out here this weekend, and I'm here to tell you the way it really was in the Winston Cup race.
Sunday dawned bright and clear, if a bit frigid, after downpours wreaked havoc on the Busch Leaguers both Friday and Saturday. The race got underway at some obscenely late hour that they kept telling me wasnoon, but my stomach knew it was way past lunchtime. For some reason, I was the only one at my hotel eating a burger for what they insisted was breakfast.
At the drop of the green, Flameboy went right to the front and stayed there for what seemed like endless boring laps as cars behind him sliced and diced for position. Best viewing during that stretch was Lance Armstrong convincing Stew-pot that shaving his legs would make him faster. Whatever works, I guess!
At lap 48, the not so New Man thought he'd warped a Goodyear and had to pit early, losing two laps in the bargain, and at lap 50, Dale the Lesser extinguished the Flames to take the lead while the Viagra wagon came to pit road for another pill. Some of the cars that were walking instead of running began to trickle in for assistance and by lap 56 the leaders decided it was time to get new shoes and a drink. For over forty more laps the boredom continued, with the kids from DEI swapping the lead for fun and the TV cameras forsaking the racetrack to visit the Hollywood Hotel.
As always, there was someone willing to disturb my nap, and at lap 100, Larry Fart bounced his Yugo (I think that's what AJ's running this year) off the wall and into Craven's Tide machine, putting it in the spin cycle and pretty well messing up both those pretty cars. At lap 116, the boys had just gotten back to racing after a nice relaxing 15 seconds on pit road, when Kevin Havoc tenderly rammed the rear end of the Sharpie Taurtoise driven by the Busch League kid. Meanwhile, at the other end of the track, Mock Martin's day ended when the Viagra wore off and it died. (I’m referring to the car, of course!)
The gang had just gotten nicely through that rest period when the M&M's car melted down in Sadler's hands at lap 125 and wound up in the garbage. On second thought, maybe it was the garage. (The New Man got a lap back at this rest stop.) A few decided they really didn't need another cold drink and stayed out on this caution, but they'd soon get their chance anyway. Lap 134 saw Steve Parked give a gentle little nudge to the Big Brown Truck, which in turn barely touched the wall just hard enough to put NASCAR's champion cusser behind the wall for the duration. A surprisingly agile Jarrett jogged down the track to deliver a friendly hand gesture to Parked, telling him he was #1. Not sure if he was referring to his car number, his personality or his I.Q. About the same time all this fun was going on, Stew-pot climbed all over the back of the Greenhorn in the #30, sending the poor fellow to the pits for right rear damage (Ouch!), and showing some telltale smoke from his own left front tire.
They calmed down for a while, until on lap 166 little Fred McMurray tried to pass the man who never forgets. Ol' Jimmy growled at the lad and scared him so bad he spun out without being touched, and lost a lap trying to get going in the right direction. About this same time, we notice smoke from the #37 driven by Can't Cope, but it didn't seem to be bothering anything. He kept right on driving at his usual snail's pace.
Did you miss having a "big one" at Daytona this year? Well, never fear. Las Vegas is noted for showmanship, and the show was on at lap 176, when Mule Skinner slid up into the Crusty old Veteran, turning his beer wagon into the wall and off again. When the smoke cleared, there were parts and pieces of seven cars strewn about. Besides Skinner and Wall-Ace, the collected included the Flaming car, the Sharpie Taurtoise, AJ's Yugo, Jimmy who never forgets and Toad Bodine. Oh yes, and the New Man got his second lap back.
After that, things pretty much calmed down and droned on. Another round of green flag pit stops started when Dale the Lesser came in at lap 226, and at 227 it was monkey see, monkey do, as the rest of the leaders thought a cold Bud sounded just fine to them too. That would have been the whole story, as everyone settled in behind leader Matt Kantsteer and pretty much wondered who'd be second, but the last lap turned out to be a doozy! Oh, Matt won it all right, but back around 8th and 9th place, Sterling Silver gave an uncharacteristic whack to little Junior Johnson, which turned the lad around in the infield grass and settled 8th place for sure. Cool move of the race has to go to Mario's nephew in the #43, who managed to miss the spinning Johnson by a cat's whisker. The last we saw of Johnson, he had smoke coming from both ears and daggers flying from both eyes. Said he was fixin' to tarnish him some silver.
Well, that's how it was in Vegas race fans, exactly as I saw it. Would I lie to you?
(This was not part of the original column, but Ron, I'm sending something special, from one fan to another... The Man in Black... one of them anyway... from The Lady in Black)
~LIB
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And that race fans, was The Lady in Black. I promise, she did get better over time, but eventually I had to let her go. Looking back over this first effort for Insider Racing News, I have but one question. Ron, why ever did you keep me? And that brings to mind one last little note before I close. Ron, do you remember the first piece of fan mail you received about me? It was from a gal named "Sunny" up in Canada, advising you to keep me. Sunny found me on Twitter just a few days ago. Everything old is new again... Enjoy your retirement guys! I hope you catch every fish in every river and lake in Tennessee, and if you ever come just south of that Tennessee border, I'm right here and would love you see you. May God bless you always. Sending a million hugs! Farewell Insider Racing News. It was a great run...
Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
~PattyKay
Email: nas3car@gmail.com
Twitter: @MamaPKL
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