WASCAR Headlines

WASCAR Headlines----Shock Car Racing Continues Upward Spiral in Fan Popularity

January 21, 2052, WASCAR Headquarters, Madrid, Spain

By: Gerald Waltrip, media journalist for WASCAR News Network (WNN)

The media frenzy surrounding the worlds most popular sport of Shock Car Racing is nothing short of amazing. Today, the Worldly Association of Shock Car Auto Racing (WASCAR) president and founder Jordan P. Wheeler announced the signing of Universal Video Productions (UVP) as title sponsor for the 2053 season which will begin in September 2052. None of this would have been possible back in the day when my great uncle Humpy ran (now defunct) NASCAR., said Wheeler. Before global warming, we were relegated to running outdoors in those huge empty stadiums when weather often affected the schedule and outcome. Now we can arrange our schedule around a more popular season one that worked back in the days of the NFL. Todays state of the art facilities combined with Instant Telepathic Video Translation (ITVT) offered by UVP, we can give the fans what they want instantly.

WASCARs innovative approach to fan engagement is said to be the tip if the iceberg of things to come in Shock Car Racing. This writer recently got up with Hobart H. Helton one of the innovators behind the success related to bringing the ITVT technology to WASCAR. Giving the fans complete control over the sport has not come without some obstacles, said Helton. Telepathic translation allows us to let the fans choose the course layout the day before the race. Our engineers are able to take the instant telepathic input (ITI) to create a race track that will please the majority of fans. On race day the telepathic translation interface coordinators (TTICsformerly spotters) are able to relay fan input into the driving style of their favorite drivers instantly. Along with the TTICs fuel delivery data input, makes for some great racing,

One of the most shocking developments to come into the world of WASCAR has been the addition of the cage match finale after each race. Any on-track disputes are brought to the cage after winner circle celebrations for WASCARs Part II entertainment. Last week Rowdy Busch III, the grandson of nine-time NASCAR champ Kyle Busch, clearly defeated Shelly (Happy) Harvick, grand-daughter of the legendary Kevin Harvick in a three- round match after Shelly booted Rowdy off the third turn double jump. Rowdys perfection of the spinning back fist / double hook kick combination has proven to be a show stopper in recent cage competition. Back in the day, grandpa Kevin would have easily defeated the then, more feminine Kyle Busch in cage match competition. Many wish they could see those two elder competitors go at it once again as they did back in the day. But, Kyle swore off fighting after legendary car owner, Richard Childress gave him an old-school lesson in the headlock / hook and jab department.

There is a very special event coming up February 2^nd. This years Gopher Day celebration will include the third quarter competition All-Star shoot out. This years shoot out is expected to be the best yet, since the Gopher Day races began in back 2015. We were able to get a few words from WASCAR spokesperson Elvis Poston. Gopher Day epitomizes the fan experience, said Poston. Back when my grandfather worked for NASCAR it was the fans who finally were able to convince the powers to get rid of Digger and ol DW in a landmark move that actually began yet another new era in the sport. And Gerald, please dont take the DW remark personally, but you perhaps more than anyone can understand what that move did for the sport.

I can tell you, this writer does understand. Growing up and living with the reputation of Grandpa Jaws and Great Uncle Mikey has given me the backbone I have today. The year Mikey came out of the closet was perhaps the most embarrassing moment in our familys historyso Im told. I feel fortunate to once again represent the sport that has meant so much to the Waltrip family.

Fifteen time NASCAR champ Denny Hamlin will be our guest on an upcoming special WNN presentation. Hamlin, now 72 will speak openly about the controversy surrounding his first 6 championships and the JGR Racing organization beginning with the discovery of some illegal oil pans way back in 2011. That incident and several that followed may have been the catalyst that ended Toyotas participation in the sport and opened the door for the Korean based KIA.

We at WNN will continue to bring the latest news and interviews then and now with the topics we think youll enjoy. So for nowBoogity, boogity, boogity!

GW.

Feel free to add your version of racing in the year 2053.

Shucks, that cage deal might work right now. I remember Humpy and his boxing bouts at the Charlotte Start/Finish line. Set up the cage on the start / finish line and throw in Happy, Rowdy, Juan Pablum, Ryan, etc. We could probably scout around Charlotte and find Rip "The Chicken" Hawk to referee. Now if we could figure how to combine tag team and cage match.... Not sure about opening that closet door, though.

jeff. This has already been done with two movies. Arnold Swartzorwhahatever and David Carcodine where the players .......

.....You hit it on the head though

Patty ,that crystal ball seems to have rolled over to JG's side of the table.---JG--I like the sound of that. Anyway who opened the closet door anyway? Last I heard the dang lock was on from the outside, so who opened it,BF? or maybe ole DW did just to tick off a few good ole boys. Anyway Humpy had the idea to keep it civil---I think. Now JG is procrastinating way into the future, only thing is he has a few to add to the gig. Maybe that will come next week when the next installment will be hot off the press

Maybe DW will read this little misdirected short take and take light of the subject. But danged if it isnt fun to poke fun at our somewhat heros even if it kinda offends some people---you see all that is said is in fun and for the good of our sport and people shouldnt get all bent out of shape over it.

Now Patty who do you think we should roast next week? Hmmmmmmmmm??

Now Jeff.....you know you just planned this joyful little thought for me didn't you? I'm gonna be living in it and you won't have to worry with it! lol

But at the rate your talking...by 2053, it's gonna be Digger Nation. Shoot, they might as well rename it to GASCAR (Gophers Are Stupid & Can Agonize Racing)

Thanks Alot Mr. Gilder! I just hope BZF doesn't read this and get a bright idea....

-Cody

Robbie since Tim is resigning all those positions that means he has more time to go to Columbia Speedway and cover up more of the gopher holes that digger has dug in the turns. LOL...

Team Midlands folks been resigning from alot of different positions lately.

Tim Leeming said:

I resign as writer of Legendtorials, blogs and forums. The mind that thought that it is far superior to anything mine has ever conceived.

he better not resign then i wont have nobody to pick on or fuss at -----or get fussed back from.

ttt

Must be skipping--I only see three of them. Oh wait a Metro--thats it a lil Chevy Metro.

Your mind works in a devious way I see ! ! !

Thought it was the "appropriate" time to bring this back to the top...a post I wrote in 2011. We may see this long before 2053.

This is worth a thousand LOLs.

How many replays can you get before it costs extra..