Just a quick reminder, if I may. The Lady in Black was the name of my fantasy racing team and just sort of morphed into a female reporter with rather questionable motives at times, and at least in the beginning, with a fixation on Mike Helton... before he was President of NASCAR, and quite capably played back then by the Commissioner of the Liars' Club.
The setting here is the 2002 Brickyard 400, which incidentally was the first stock car race ever to feature the SAFER barriers. (Thank you one more time Dr. Dean Sicking, for the greatest safety feature ever to grace a race) The article appeared on the pages of a long-dead website called Maclouridees.com. I think we might have had a dozen or so readers, probably all related to the site master. You'll notice that the Lady is not even credited in the title, as I had not yet decided if the Internet as a whole was really ready for her shenanigans. I guess you were, if your response ten years later is any indication. So here then is a very early endeavor from The Lady in Black, combined with an Indy race one decade ago; the ninth stock car race at IMS.
As a note of interest, the Indianapolis Star, in its post race report, states that attendance at this race was over 300,000. I wonder how close this year's attendance will come to that lofty number. Would someone count them for me please? Remember, it was only 10 years ago...
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A Different Look At Indy
Well gentle readers, I tried this last week, and got such a positive response I thought we’d give it one more go. Please remember, before you read on, that this is farcical and fanciful and intended to be funny. Bring your sense of humor along, check any touchy feelings at the door, and let’s go racin’ at Indy with The Lady in Black.
Good day ladies and gentlemen. This is your raving reporter, The Lady in Black, coming to you from the hallowed grounds of the Brickyard, with all the latest updates on yesterday's race.
It was a typical summer day here, so I'm told, and well over a quarter million fans turned themselves into a giant human barbeque for the privilege of watching 43 guys circle the big rectangle in cars that were even hotter than the grandstands, but still not a match for a few of the tempers.
The sparks started flying on lap 19, when the middle Wallace brother took ol' AJ's battlewagon straight into the turn two wall, collecting the middle Bodine brother in the mayhem. Two down, 41 to go, and the walls held up just fine.
The next and by far the ugliest dust-up of the day came on lap 32, when the man who never forgets remembered that he didn't much like that Busch League kid who had just passed him, and reminded him with his front bumper. The kid proceeded to test the new "soft" walls, and promptly declared there was nothing soft about them. In a bit of a snit over a good car that would run no more on the day, he waited for good ol' Jimmy to circle the track not once but twice, and expressed his displeasure with words and gestures that were evidently familiar to the guys in the big red trailer. Both of these nice young gentlemen will pay a visit to the trailer before being allowed to race at Watkin's Pit next week, and if I understand correctly, they will be making that visit together. Should be a fun time for all!
Lap 51 saw the eldest of the Bodines lose his handle big-time and test not only the outside walls, but the inside also. Exit another competitor who would be followed to the garage by Jeremy Mayfail on lap 79.
Young Cast-off Atwood took a turn into the wall on lap 98. Another one bites the dust. Dang, those walls might not hurt as much, but they are deadly to cars. During the ensuing caution, points leader Sterlin' Mumbles stayed out to lead a lap, but did so because that silver bullet was about out of gunpowder, and running on 7 cylinders. The car with the flames tried a no tire stop, and still came out second to the redhead from Dawsonville. That's gotta smart! On the restart, Johnny Benslow blew up his Pontiac and retired for the day. I'm thinkin' these guys are looking for air conditioning!
Lap 127 was another busy one, when the king of the baloney burgers ran over something nasty and flattened a Goodyear on that #21 to bring out a debris caution. That caught Ricky the redhead a lap down, having pitted to fix his own Goodyear, which probably hit the same unidentified object. Ned's little boy Dale left the pits with his catch can still attached and his catch can man flat on his face. He managed to shake it loose, but received a ticket for littering and was forced to serve his sentence at the back of the pack. Mule Skinner killed the Kodak engine and went in search of the AC and on the restart kindhearted ol' Jimmy rapped Ricky the redhead up the track and flattened another tire for him.
Before all this, some guys had actually been racing and we had seen high-speed action with passing and everything! Advantage to the redhead from Dawsonville, who led the most laps, followed by Tony the tiger, and a handful of laps to drivers with some creative pit stops. One of those was ol’ Crusty, who restarted in the lead after a two tire change, but the awesome one had taken four, and it would prove to be the right call. By lap 149 he sailed past the deuce and was never seriously challenged again.
At lap 151, Toad Bodine and the baloney burger kid both headed for the garage or the AC, whichever they got to first.
The final caution, for some elusive debris, flew on lap 153, and the race restarted on lap 156 with Wild Bill handily stepping away from the field and sailing into Victory Lane.
If you didn't watch the race, this may be the first you've heard of some of this since the Nothing But Commercials Network couldn't get off the air fast enough yesterday. Guess they were looking for the AC as well.
You think that's all, don't you? Nope, one more tidbit! Some nitwit (journalist) decided he was going to interview Tony the tiger, after something went amiss with his rolling hardware store and cost him a certain top 5 finish at his home track. Tony thought otherwise, and tried in vain to escape, finally resorting to running, but the reporter decided to run alongside. Bad decision! Tony pulled up short and pulled no punches, so I'm told. What part of "no" don't some folks understand? Of course, the summons from on high has been issued and I'm sure we'll hear more about this one. Have just a wonderful week everyone. See ya'll up in New York by the shores of whatever finger lake that Glen sits by.
~LIB
Well, there you have a look at what is tantamount to the birth of The Lady in Black. Even though she and I don't always get along all that well, today she was a breath of fresh air compared to discussing another career lying in ruins. Next week we'll move on to Pocono, and I promise to have what I hope will be a special treat in store for you.
Be well gentle readers, and remember to keep smiling. It looks so good on you!
~PattyKay
Email: nas3car@etcmail.com
Twitter: @MamaPKL
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